Newsletter
March, 2011
Happy St. Patty's Day! from LA COOP, PA
Greetings!
So, we're getting into spring and things are flourishing! Good to know that a lot of you really liked the newsletter last month and I had a request to write about some ways to build trust in a relationship. This is a tough topic because each couple has different issues as each person in the couple comes in with different experiences and different actions mean different things. Given those facts, the points that I am making in this newsletter are pretty universal. If you want to talk more about your personal situation - you know where I am!
So, let's get to it!......
- Reliability
- Reliability is the key to building your partners trust.
Now, to be reliable one has to be consistent and dependable. When you say you are going to do something - that means you do it. If you can't do it for whatever reason, you need to let your partner know.
This level of predictability provides a stable foundation to your relationship. This one issue causes a lot of problems in relationships. It seems like a very basic concept, but it gets done wrong so many times.
That's not to say that the relationship should be boring. This net of reliability provides safety for both of you in the relationship to have fun and enjoy yourself within a safe space.
To add a little spice add a twist to your typical date night. Surprise your lover with a card or a note, or lighten their load and take on a chore without them asking every once in a while. - Respect - You need to have actual respect for your partner.
I know this is a basic concept also; however if you do not respect them, they will be able to sense this no matter what you say or do. It's a visceral feeling.
The two of you must have mutual respect for each other in order for the relationship to survive.
How does one know they're respected? When you ask for something to be done by that person and it's done without your continuing to check up on the progress. When you put your foot down on an issue and your partner goes along with it because they know this is an issue you are passionate about.
If your partner feels that you believe they are a competent person you will be building a lot of trust in your relationship. - Honesty - Honesty is the best policy.
This one should go without saying, but if you build your relationship on lies - the foundation is going to be weak from the outset and it is difficult to recover.
Some people believe that white lies are fine because "they don't hurt anyone." The only type of lie that doesn't hurt someone is when it's a surprise gift or trip. THAT'S IT! I have patients (men and women) who try to rationalize a lie that it's somehow better for that person not to know. It's not.
All of the time and energy that goes into keeping a secret could be put to better use. Also, people that don't lie sleep better at night.
So, now that we've covered the basics, in the next newsletter we are going to talk about a key component in the establishment of trust: building a zone of safety with one another where ideas can be freely shared and disagreements can be resolved.
How to Fight Fair will be the topic in the next newletter to sum this topic up.
Be Good!
Dr. L
